Review: Twilight by Stephenie Meyer

Twilight by Stephenie Meyer
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

What. The. Hell. Is. This. Shit?

How, in an entire novel of vampires and werewolves, do one of them NOT decide to rip this girl to pieces and eat her?! PLEASE. I want to know. I almost jumped into this book and slaughtered this girl. She is the most annoying frigging narrator I have ever, EVER, had to read.

Okay, so Miss Meyer, you KINDA had something going for yourself. I mean you had some interesting ideas, cool twists on the legends, and so on. I didn’t want to read this book and hate it, I wanted to read this book and be interested. Don’t get me wrong. Jake is kinda… fun. Edward was lovely until you turned him into a ass. The Cullens are wonderful, really. I loved Dr. Cullen, I wanted to glomp him. But your main character is such a whiney baby.

So Bella moves into a new town and suddenly every body is falling in love with her. She claims she’s unique and brave, but she makes friends with the fakest people ever. She meets tall, pale, and handsome, and suddenly she’s in love. How? You don’t even know him. A few pages in your life is over because he didn’t show up to school. REALLY?

Oh, did I mention she randomly starts reading Austen and listening to Chopin? Like, “Oh, I’m this bats hit crazy teenager, but wait! I totally love classical music even though it’s against my personality completely.”

And I was so holding out for Edward. I’m like, “C’mon, you can’t seriously like this girl. You’re constantly laughing at her. She whines, she’s kinda mean towards people, and she’s a huge fake.” Nope, he totally falls in love with her for no reason what so ever.

Edward: “You’re sexy because I can’t read your mind…”

WHEN THE GIRL HAS NO BRAIN THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS!!!

And with a flip of the switch SUDDENLLY he’s in love.

So the end comes and… oh. My. Gosh… you mean real action? Wow, if you had actually had some blood and gore happen in the beginning of the book you may have had a plot. You wasted potential on a whiney girl and her glitter covered boyfriend. WHY? You are a waste. Really.

Okay, now onto the good stuff… there’s not much.

The characters who didn’t suck, a.k.a Bella, sometimes Edward, most of the time Jacob, every person who went to that high school, etc… The rest were fun. I would love to just sit in the middle of the Cullen house and just watch them. People watch, yep, that’s what I’d like to do. Really, if I’d just read a book about them, or if I could read Bella’s thought’s without wanting to blow chunks, I would really like this book.

And good job Miss Meyer of not giving a crap about any of the other characters. Sure, we’re all supposed to love the girl who is suddenly brilliant, but whines a lot, hangs out with the “OMG!” crowd, falls in love at the drop of the had and… have I mentioned she’s just mean? Well what about the rest of them? Can’t I learn about the other characters? (And no, that giant info dump about Carlisle does not count. It was like she was just trying to get it out of the way.)

The only reason I am not burning this book is because I like the Cullens, they’re kinda fun. The only reason I just might read the other books is because of them. I have yet to made a decision on it, but let’s see what happens…

Can somebody please tell me if the other books are actually worth reading?


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Review: The Forrest of Hands and Teeth by Carrie Ryan

The Forest of Hands and Teeth by Carrie Ryan

My rating: 2 of 5 stars

In Mary's world there are simple truths.

The Sisterhood always knows best.

The Guardians will protect and serve.

The Unconsecrated will never relent.

And you must always mind the fence that surrounds the village; the fence that protects the village from the Forest of Hands and Teeth.

I am going to start off by saying I did not finish this books. Don't go crazy on my because I didn't. My review isn't going to bash the book, I just think it's fair, and it supports my review, if I tell you now I did not finish the book.


Let's start with the plot. And old village, in the middle of a forest, surrounded by a fence. On the other side of this fence, zombies. The Elders control the town, occasionally the zombies attack, and eventually all hell breaks lose. The main character, Mary, is a strong willed young woman who wants more than anything to break free of the village and it's hold on her.


So it sounds like a good idea, but why didn't I finish it? I just had no desire to read it. The writing and plot were fine but I hardly thought about the book, I didn't sit wondering what was going to happen next, I was just bored with the entire idea.


First of all, any of you see 'The Village?' I'm talking about the movie. And for the first hundred pages or so this is all I could think about. Then afterwards, well, the zombies sort of got to me.

I am completely honest when I tell you that I don't have a single bone in my body that fears zombies. They shuffle, drool, moan, so they're like any typical teenager on any given school morning. Plus I've seen and I adore 'Shaun of the Dead.' Oh yeah, you know it.

So my issues with the plot was that it was good, but it didn't call me back to the book. I can't really explain exactly what it was, but I didn't sit there, anxiously awaiting the next chapter. It was a push just to get myself where I am now, and I don't think it's fair to the book, or to me, to have to push myself to read the rest.

The other issue I had was with the main character. She seemed so strong, so willing to go against the grain of her society, but at times she failed to really demonstrate her desire to overcome. She was willing to face zombies, for goodness sake, but when it came to just speaking out for her love for Travis, she hushed up, acted childish, and because of this her love interest got in the way of the book rather than contributing to the plot. (I am the type of person who wants to read a book to watch characters speak out, overcome, fall in love... Not whine, stay silent, and turn the book sour.)

I do feel guilty for not finishing this book. I was really looking forward to this book after several people I know said it was amazing. I'm hoping that at a later date I'll be able to pick it back up with a desire to read it, but as for now, I can't push through it.




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Review: Julie and Julia: 365 Days, 524 Recipes, 1 Tiny Apartment Kitchen

Julie and Julia: 365 Days, 524 Recipes, 1 Tiny Apartment Kitchen by Julie Powell

My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Some people go on pilgrimages; Julie Powell attempted to master one cookbook. Thirty years old, bored with her job, hating her Queens apartment, Powell decided to transcend her life by concocting all 524 recipes in Julia Child's 1961 classic Mastering the Art of French Cooking -- in a single year. Replicating Child's kitchen artistry at such short notice tested Julie's skill and stamina, not to mention her husband's patience; but it did produce a high-spirited, sometimes hilarious memoir.

Imagine you have a wonderful friend who’s gone on a breath-taking adventure, full of ups and downs and tantalizing details, and all you want to do is share it with her by sitting down and listening to her story. Now imagine your friend getting drunk, going through a couple packs of cigarettes, tell you all about the sex lives of her best friends, while lacing her account with curse words, and not really talking about her epic quest.


This is Julie Powell’s book.

Julie Powell embarks on something pretty cool. She decides that in one year she’s going to cook through Julia Child’s cookbook, Mastering the Art of French Cooking, out of her small and sort of embarrassing apartment kitchen. This sounds fun and witty, until you start to read.


From the first page I knew I was going to hate it. Powell is vulgar, insensitive, and just the sort of person you don’t even want to share the same city with. She quips insulting comments about… well, nearly everybody, swears like a sailor, treats her husband like dirt, and for some reason all she has to talk about is her friends and their sex lives. Really, who wants to read that?

Every so often, and these were the good parts, she would talk about cooking. They were fun and witty, and I felt her pain at trying to cook rather difficult dishes. This is what I thought the book was supposed to be about… but then she’d stop talking about the food and start talking about how some passage in the cook book reminded her of sex.

There were these random sections of italic print that were supposed to be flashbacks of Julia Child’s life, but they were so out of place it was ridiculous. It made me feel like she just wanted to get paid for bitching about her life, and then she’d stop, write something that had something to do with the title of her book, and go on. Really?

I just cannot stand this book because I cannot stand Julie Powell. She complains about her turning 30, well she’s acting like she’s three. I wouldn’t recommend this to anyone, unless you like listening to a middle-aged temp whine about her life, talk about her friends’ romps in the sack, or treat her poor, devoted husband horribly while he’s trying to live her life and keep her happy.

And yes, the movie, as mediocre as it was, was BETTER than the book.

What a great premise, what an awful author. It caught my attention, and against my better judgment I decided to dive in for a good read, but was only sickened by the idea that somebody so vulgar could still be published. Published aside, what about admired? I still couldn’t get past half of what she said, and I don’t even know how much of it was true. (She openly admits she just plain made stuff up.)


The best part about the book; The End.


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