22 July 2012

Review: Witch and Wizard by James Patterson

Witch and Wizard (Witch & Wizard, #1)Witch and Wizard by James Patterson

My rating: 1 of 5 stars
How I got it: Library, thank goodness...


Imagine you wake up and the world around you-life as you know it-has changed in an instant. That's what has happened to Whit Allgood and his sister, Whisty. They went to sleep as normal teenagers, and woke up as wanted criminals. Accused of holding incredible powers they'd never dreamed possible. And now, just how different they are-special, even-if just beginning to be revealed in a strange new world.

I have never been a fan of James Patterson's young adult novels, if he really writes them. Sorry, Jimmy, one day I'll pick up a piece of your adult fiction and we'll see where it goes from there, but as far as I'm concerned your YA novels sound like they were written via a twelve year old little girl and somehow, for some reason, you put your name on them.

Witch and Wizard is this sudden, desperate attempt to harness all the 'good' elements of today's bestselling young adult novels and put them into one book. I really can't stand it. The two main characters, children, suddenly lose their parents when they are arrested, and each find out that they are a witch and wizard. Then off they go on this heroic quest to free their parents and save the world.

First of all, JP's writing is disgusting. I don't know if he thinks it's 'dumbed-down' for younger readers, but it's just insulting how childish his style and prose is. I'm not buying it, all I have is wincing, shuddering, and surpressing the gag-reflex when I delve into this book. The pacing is just awful, there's nothing original about this book or anything of impressive depth. I just find myself cringing at every moment I had to endure the lifeless characters and the pointless plot.

And is it just me, or was this book a huge Harry Potter rip off? I stopped myself too many times to count at the similarities, that all I can say is that this is the biggest knock-off I could have ever had the displeasure of reading. JP had his version of wands, Tom Riddle's diary, Muggles and Death Eaters, and a lot, lot more that I can't believe this even got past an editor. If I had been his editor I would have shoved this book up the nether regions and kicked him out of my office for even bringing that crap near me.

You just fail, JP. You just FAIL.

The good thing about his books are that I can read them in like.. an hour and then continue on with my life. The sad part is, I can't even finish the book going, "Oh my gosh, what's going to happen next?!" because I honestly don't care. It's not that I hate the characters that much (because believe me, I do), it's really that his plot and character development was SO bad that I couldn't even care about the characters enough to not want them to die.

JP, you have the same issues in this book as you do with others. I'm speaking of the Max Ride series, people. The plot was strewn about, nothing was believable, there was just nothing that stopped me and made me go, "You know what? Holy. Crap."

('cept in a bad way)

So no, I didn't like it. There is my very un-English Major, but from the heart, review. I don't know how you're doing it, Jimmy. I really, really don't.

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